Extremely Imbalanced & incredibly confusing

It's been ages since the last time I blogged in English. I figured now it's time to do it again.
I've been reading this book all morning - Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer - which is actually unbelieveably great. It's question life a lot. Not life in general but why things are how they are and not different. Obviously it made me think the same, especially because the special one is sitting only a few meters away working. Yes, working. It's not like she wants to, but during the last week she's been kind of a bondslave to her bosses. Of course it wouldn't bother me if I had to work to, but I don't. I can't tell her how I feel about it, because I know that she's angry about it even more than I am. But I'm blogging in English so she can read it. Not that she reads my blog. She gave up "cause it's all in German anyway".
So anyway, it made me think how imbalanced things are. Like me, being bored for the last few weeks because my job isn't giving me the intellectual challange and I don't have enough to do to really work the whole day for half of the week. And her, being totally stressed cause she would need more time to do everything she's supposed to.
Maybe life is just one of the funny things we should never understand until it's to late.
On the one hand I would like to work more - which, I know, sounds silly to many people. On the other hand I am happy I have enough time to take care of other stuff. Like finding a place. It actually didn't take me that long and it was surprisingly easy to be the one, chosen by the landlord or agent. I saw only a few places and whenever I said I like it, I got the offer to move in. So now I found the right place and am going to sign the contract on Monday. I have to admit I could be happier, but with being in the office all day and never inviting friends since I move here I don't mind staying in the place I do. Sure it's just a tiny service apartment but at least I have someone cleaning my bathroom and changing my bed sheets. The only thing I miss is a HiFi, and I don't have one for my new place anyway.
The good thing about the new place is, that she likes it too and is moving in soon. As I've been looking for the sense in life for the past few months, it's great to know she'll be with me soon. Right now she's #1 on the sense-of-life-list, which is actually quite short. But out of a sudden my new place became ours. It's not mine any more. My last place was kind of an interstation so I didn't really bother how it looked like. It took me 9 months to hang the pictures and I moved out only 3 months later. Back than I was looking forward to finally move on to a new place and make it home. Right now I don't really care about making me feel domestic there and still it's weird that it's suddenly ours.
It was supposed to be mine. So now I found a place, I rented it, because she likes it, I am happy she's moving in. I don't really care about furnishing it the way I like it - I rather spend the money on food and drinks, clothes, music or education - and still I am kind of bothered it's not mine. Why is that? Maybe the apartment is just a metaphor for my life. But I don't mind sharing it, I mean my life. I don't see another purpose in it anyway. I am really having problems with the hedonistic approach for the last few months. It was always so easy. Whenever something didn't work out or I started questioning life, I just shifted into hedonism mode, both clothes, CDs, got drunk or stoned and life was good again. Now it doesn't work. Weird stuff is going through my head, I can tell you. Or I could, but I won't. What I wrote is private enough anyway. But on the other hand, who cares? Why do we always have to be pretenders? I've been good in that too. Everythink was good and under control. I haven't lost control yet, but I am getting tired of pretending I know directions and everything has a meaning.